My Thoughts

By: Lisa Taylor MS, ED
Gang Specialist-Counselor

Thoughts of gangsters and their war stories echo through my mind. I remember Carlos showing me the bullet that lay lodged in his stomach. When he would pull up his shirt, you could see the bullet right under his skin. He had a lot of anxiety about that bullet; wondering if it would travel into his vital organs. He often thought of slicing open his skin to remove it. Then there was Jose, who used to wear his locs (very dark sunglasses) to school everyday. He repeatedly was given referrals by teachers because he refused to take them off. He wouldn't take them off in my office either. Teachers feared him because they didn't trust him (they couldn't see where he was looking at any given time). It took me about four months for Jose to slowly remove his glasses and begin telling me the story of how he had been stabbed in the eye by a rival gang member. The tendon and ligaments in his eye were torn. He hated how his eye looked "messed up," as he'd call it...only the white showing. He wore his locs to hide his shame.
Then there was Hector. He spent an hour one day discussing how he and his homies clean their tennis shoes, to get them sparkling white, and how to properly starch a sharp crease down the pant leg. Hector took great pride in his appearance, straightening his clothes if they were the least bit out of place.

Sadly, I also remember the day a student was stabbed outside my office and three students were shot on the basketball court, by rival gang members. Those memories remain etched on my mind.

The stories of each gangster I counseled were different and yet the underlying feeling from all of them was the same. These young men were youth, caught in the dilemma of manhood, wondering how to adapt to a society that kept telling them they did not fit. Some clients with whom I worked were illiterate (but they hid it well); some had learning disabilities that went undocumented. Most were pushed through the educational system by way of "social promotion." Teachers/administrators feared and were frustrated by these guys and passed them from one grade to the next so they would not have to deal with them anymore.

I am not pro-gang-banging but I am pro-gangster. Let me explain what I mean by that: gangsters are people too. I support individuals in their search for themselves. I do not support all of their behavior. From my experience these youth act out of frustration, anger, hopelessness and fear in a way that screams for attention. Society is not listening. We are throwing three-strikes-you're-out and charging juveniles as adults, only to systematically institutionalize them and bring them back onto the streets as a more seasoned and hardened criminal.

I believe and follow the "positive attribute" mode of counseling: find what these youth do well (and yes, there is something), nurture it, then capitalize on it every way possible. Show youth the options they have and teach them the specific steps it takes to get there. Take incremental steps with them and encourage them to think about how good it feels to do something positive, something real, something that brings hope.

Several gang members I counseled, worked as aides in a a nearby child care center. You should have seen these guys with one and two-year olds! They played, kissed, and rock the toddlers. They smiled and laughed right along with them. Later, they privately told me how good it felt to help the kids...they felt worthwhile, alive and whole. It would be more beneficial to individuals and our society if counseling, group therapy, and restitution replaced incarceration. I used art therapy, music therapy, and play therapy with excellent results.

Throughout counseling sessions with gangsters, I observed that one thing ties them all together: PAIN. Underneath the bravado, the mad-dogging, hair nets, tattoos, and gang signs lays pain. Sometimes it is pain over divorced parents, dying relatives, histories of abuse, homies who have died, or post-tramatic-stress-disorder (PTSD) from the gang life and living in gangland. By identifying and addressing the pain, I have seen gangsters begin to explore other opportunities besides gang-banging. Some went to college, others got legitimate jobs as mechanics, graphic artists and electricians. I remember one young gangster who said, "I'm going to college to become a lawyer to clean up this unfair system we have." He had the oral skills to make it...he could persuade anyone.

I lived in Compton, with helicopters (ghetto birds) flying over-head all hours of the day and night, gun fire heard continuously, and police sirens blaring daily. To live there, right next to the projects was stressful. For people living the gang-bang life, they live daily with extreme stress. For those of us on the outside we may judge and say, "They create their own stress. Gang -banging is stupid, why don't they stop?" To those who think this, I encourage them to talk with a gang member (in a supervised, safe environment). Talk to them, get to know them as people. Your perspective will change.